We arrived to San Jose about 8:30 PM. Jose, our tour guide, was waiting for us at the airport when we get out. We were a little uneasy and nervous that we’d be out and no one would be there but fortunately Jose was standing with a big smile on his face, when he saw us. We were also puzzled that he recognized us at the first look albeit he never seen us before. It must be experience, we thought. After quick introduction and chatting we loaded up our luggage and set off for the Best Western Hotel. It was about 15-20 minutes drive to the hotel. Jose gave us our room keys and tickets for dinner at Denny’s restaurant. We went up to the rooms, refreshed ourselves and come down to meet to go to the restaurant. We ordered some food by the help of Simon. Everyone was so tired and hungry.
We went up to our rooms again after the dinner and I was very happy to find out that international call were free at the hotel so I called Turkey to talk to my family. We went to bed about 11:00 PM.
3/1/09 Menace and Mendacity
As light evening snow descends after a wintry mix snow storm, I head outside woods to stroll with the dreams and mixed feeling in my head. It’s hard to walk on the icy path, I hear dogs barking from the neighborhood and it’s getting darker. Suddenly, I felt a chilling alarm like a pang in my heart, a tender branch shattered under my feet, giving a bit relief to me.
I wanted to reach to the heart of the woods where I will feel safer, there is a big empty field hidden from outer world, no trees, only bunch of branches that grew over the past a few years. A hospital owns these woods and a few years ago after a failing merge with another company, they cut the trees right in the middle of the woods and sold it for 1 million dollars to get out of the financial crisis. Now, my usual stop to mediate and reconcile with myself. There is a low hill hugging the trees on the far sight of the emptiness. I usually see a deer passing on the hill but none now.
My breathing is heavy at first as my lungs reject the cold evening air. I head into the field leaving the dogs barking far behind. I finally reach the spot where I come and do nothing but viewing the bare trees with snow sprinkled on them.
I closed my eyes for a moment, listening the inpatient wind whistling, trying to drag the trees to somewhere else. Moment of choice; the feeling left alone in the society or being alone in here with my conscience...
...“Am I not supposed to get what I want, what I need?” It’s a menacing feel to desire and wish. Many times, this is the feeling that leads us to mendacity. And mistakes and errors in life, wrong choices weakens ones spirituality and virtue. As feelings and views of a man is rarely understood, and his actions are frequently misconstrued, it's impossible to do everything right. Among emotional battles and feelings, responsibilities and social pressure, you find yourself doing terrible things. This is why I come here, all the errors, menace and mendacity require redemption to revitalize and cleanse...
...I opened my eyes; cold air froze my nose and ears. With steady, guarded pace, I forge down the familiar empty path into the night.
Mind blowing tiny screams vs. sentiments
You know what is interesting to me that in the past few years, I have come to learn many things about people around me. Obviously, our perception has some thing to do with age we are in. I feel like as the years pass everything and anything that we deal with just pushes me on the corner and isolate from others and become more and more alone in the crowd. Innocent friendships become more like business relations. I don’t know! Maybe it’s just the way it is that I was late to figure it out. Maybe our life is just a price we pay to get a better one. God knows. I guess what we need to do is to try every effort to be the best in what we are doing. What do you say; get to work?
3/7/08 Cold February
In the evening of February 27, 2008, I was at home reading a book alone. It was about 7:30 PM and I hadn’t had my dinner yet. I went to look at the fridge to see what was left over from yesterday. I noticed there was some chicken and rice and took them out and put some on the plate and placed it into microwave to be heated. I turned the TV on to CNN. I followed the news when I was enjoying my meal. As always in the recent days, there was presidential campaigns were dominating the evening news. Shortly after I was done with my one plate simple dinner, I turned the TV off and started to read my book where I left off. In the next hour or so I felt a discomfort in my stomach, not a severe distress but enough to make me uncomfortable. I paid a little attention and went on what I was doing. But as the time passed, my discomfort grew more and every move sent a searing pain through my body. When my wife came home with the kids, I know I had to lie down and rest. She gave me some Tums for my stomach with lots of water. However, things were getting only worse and I thought sleeping would make me feel better.
I got up with more and more pain in the middle of the night; I was feeling very tired and made barely to the bathroom but fell down to the floor, groaning and agonizing in pain. It’s like there was a huge rush from my belly to my brain with a scary noise in my ears. My head was like a lightning rod, attracting every pain to it. My body was tightening increasingly; my eyes were becoming hotter with a burning heat. I wanted to vomit but I had no energy. I started to whisper things, maybe my last prayer and then tried to call my wife to wake her up. I wasn’t aware that my whisper was like a cry into the night. I blacked out and next thing I know was my wife pouring waters on my face meanwhile talking to someone on the phone with 911 line. I felt restless and mumbled to lie down on the carpet. Before long, I saw a police officer and next emergency medical service members. They wrapped me up with a blanket and put me on the bed. I felt the cold February when I was carried to the ambulance. I faced to the back of the car looking into the dark, silent night. While cold IV fluid traveled to my veins, I thought the things we take as granted. This was another reminder that how everyday rush and fast paced life makes us so clinched to world. I always thought that every sickness clean some of my mistakes in life. This idea always eased my pain a little. I was in bed moving to the hospital, sitting miserable, breathing with a difficulty waited my medicine to kick in slowly. Traffic lights were signaling yellow since there was little traffic in the middle of the night in this small town of Central Pennsylvania. I looked out the small window; and slowly closed my eyes, waiting to see what comes next.
Wow, I was astonished to see the responses I got from the readers, (I always wanted to say this) since my web site initiative was made public I received many e-mails along with comments on the page. First of all, I’d like to thank everyone who visited the web site. As I mentioned before I will strive to make this page as lively as possible.
Some says I should write soon because the writer’s guild strike is over! LOL Well, I have bigger issues I am still working to recover my relationship with my valentine. J That’s right! I didn’t celebrate it. Apparently, I was incompetent to bring a bouquet of flowers home on February 14. And, I can’t find anybody to side with me on the whole concept of valentine day and how it’s not necessary. This seems an unimportant issue to some but you might not be looking at the whole picture. My advice is to get a simple thing to her and bypass all the hassle If you still think, all the things aside, I was right about this drop a comment so I can use it on my alibi.
Welcome back to my web site. I had hoped to put articles, quotes and other stuff but no luck. Neither I have time nor the talent to write something fruitful. I might copy or insert links for the things I am unable to produce. Heh heh.
My site might have some glitches or lack of fun since it doesn’t have much extend in context nor it has interactive variations but it’s like birth pains (Like I know a lot about birth pains) The site will become more attractive and better as I fill it in and iron it out.
But hey!, you can see some of my passions here anyway. Just click around. Maybe someday I might be able to release an article or something. Behold!
It was very cold, cold wind whipped on my face when I was getting out of the entrance. I thought about my first steps on this ground off of the fairly old, alone and noisy bus. My hopelessness was as big as this whole place, unfortunate fate stories was swinging in my mind. My heart was hesitating to pound on every pulse. I saw people in a different angle at that time I was here. I went ahead a few more steps with a conscious of knowing where I am going, what I am doing. Every step I took has a meaning now in this very moment but there was none then. I always wanted to be here, experience right this moment since I was here that time. I smiled. I said “Hi” to someone who just passed me. I thought about that old time again, and I am figuring it all out, I was not alone. I proceeded on my way home with a smile on my face like dying man looking at a house where he was born.
It was dark. I was falling down, my face upward, so fast that everything I see were only beams in the darkness. There was high-pitched resounds on my head and I was feeling so nauseous and so nervous that I wanted to scream as loud as I can. This horrible fear was all over me. Even though, it seemed it was deep-less I was going to crash the ground soon.
Everything and anything was happening unbelievably fast. I began hearing conversations-screams over my head. I saw giant feet and legs with black shoes and pants. Line of lights faded away as people's indistinct voices filled in. I heard my mom screaming.
Indistinct conversations started to make sense. I slowed down falling. I felt someone scratched under my feet, must be with a pen, I opened my eyes, I was down on the floor with these people around me, mom was crying and screaming. I felt a relief like I can have it with nothing else. ..